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“A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.” ~ C. S. Lewis
Here’s a lesson in humility from a guy I knew as “Old Pete.”
We called him Old Pete because he’d been sober a long time.
He had joined the AA fellowship in 1949 and when I met up with him he was well into his 80’s.
He chaired a first step meeting I attended when I was just getting started.
Pete was a master at finding a simple expression to make an important point.
- You don’t get to AA on a winning streak
- You’re only as sick as your secrets
- You hit bottom when you stop digging
- Don’t take another person’s inventory
- Nothing changes if nothing changes
- Don’t read between the lines
- Listen to WHAT people say and not WHY they’re saying it
- Keep your own conscience
- Stay teachable
- First Things first
- One day at a time
- Keep it simple
- This too shall pass
- Your BEST thinking got you here
- Trust in your Higher Power, not yourself
and most of all,
It’s hard to swallow when you’re choking on your pride.
When the program found me I knew little of humility. I counted myself as someone special. I’d lived most of my young life with a bellyful of willfulness.
- incapable of following rules
- unwilling to take instructions
- unable to accept guidance from others
As a young man I paid a frightful price for my unwillingness to rein in my ego.
When I finished my fourth step (moral inventory) I had it all spelled out.
- on paper
- item by item
- in black and white
All of the times my pride led me to my second home — a walk over the abyss.
The irony in all this is that it wasn’t that I thought more of myself. On the contrary, I believed myself — worse.
The point is, for better or worse I never felt “the same” as other people.
It’s a lonely place being SO special.
Pete said I suffered from a condition known as — terminal uniqueness.
Pride is one heavy load: you’ll never ask for help when saddled with it.
Pete’s greatest lesson was one he demonstrated right in front of me.
It happened after one meeting when I overheard a conversation he was having with a young woman.
It was just after he had spoken, on the occasion of his 50th year of sobriety.
It had been a memorable talk.
The young woman had arrived late and missed the opening where Pete’s anniversary had been announced.
But she’d been quite taken by what she did hear.
So much so that she came up to Pete after the meeting and profusely thanked him for the wisdom he shared.
She then asked him how long had he been sober.
He tapped her on the elbow and simply said, “Young lady, I have one day…..just like you.”
I‘ll never forget my response.
Wow!!!
- No blowing his own horn.
- Just a humble acknowledgment of what mattered — the present moment.
Pete had long gotten over his need to be seen as special.
Old Pete walked his talk.
He had fully digested the truth in “You only keep what you give away.”
When Pete passed away we learned a little more about him:
- All state football player
- High school valedictorian
- Stanford graduate
- Mechanical engineer
- Purple Heart recipient
We also learned how Pete found his humility.
He’d been involved in a DUI in which two people were killed.
He was convicted of vehicular homicide and did time in prison.
Pete endured a bottom in prison so deep and so unforgiving it beggars the imagination, but — a bottom it was.
Pete never drank again.
He found the 12-Step program in prison and with it his personal redemption.
He had been resurrected from a very dark place but when he was released he was an utterly changed man.
He went from being a somebody to a nobody — then to an anybody.
In learning to be an anybody, he could help — everybody.
And, anybodies are never, ever lonely.
Just a thought…
Pat
Sometimes it’s only through singing the blues that we share our true feelings. So let me share a little of what I’ve been feeling:
Sister Rosetta Tharpe singing ~ “Didn’t It Rain, Children”