Who was the first person who helped you set your internal compass to true north?
It’s a question I’ve given a lot of thought to since I’ve become a grandparent. I remember how difficult it was for me as a kid to find a positive direction.
Life seemed to pummel me with a never-ending barrage of rules and regulations. The way I remember it: On matters of personal behavior it was the strong arm of someone else that dictated how I was to act.
My early world was always about reacting to demands, not responding to requests. So when I found a way to flee the gaze of my superiors I generally went a little crazy and followed my own appetites.
As a consequence I found it difficult to:
- play by the rules
- stay within boundaries
- follow the lead of others
If I did possess an internal compass — it was a broken one.
I therefore spent years as a youngster wallowing in guilt.
Then, after my father’s untimely death I went on a two-year rampage, almost derailing my life.
His passing had left a gaping hole that I filled with
- fear
- anger
- longing
I was forever shaking my fist at God, protesting the unfairness of life.
I’m quite certain my mother wondered if I’d even make it through adolescence.
But my story didn’t end up in tragedy.
- Something happened
- Someone intervened
A man came forward and helped to fix my broken compass.
That someone was Father Joe Small, SJ.
Father Small was a Jesuit priest for 56 years and enriched the lives of several generations of young people. He passed away in 2004.
At his funeral it was said of him:
Generations of ordinary people…found their first steps out of a maze of confusion, through the features of Fr. Small’s face, mirroring back to them the affection of the God at the heart of it all…He provided a place to encounter unconditional love and acceptance and an invitation, as he used to insist, “to go deeper.”
In my freshman year he was my guidance counselor and witnessed firsthand many of my misadventures. He saw
- my problems with self-control
- my issues with authority figures
- my trouble with alcohol
He saw it all!
He could see I had no internal compass.
One day it all came to a head.
It was in late spring of 1964 when the the juvenile court contacted my high school, Seattle Prep. As my six-month probation for auto theft conviction was coming to an end the court wanted a report from the school. The conviction was something the school had known nothing about.
Shortly thereafter, Prep learned of my participation in a late night drunken brawl at a downtown nightclub.
That was it. Prep had had enough. I got kicked out of school.
- The bottom dropped out of my life.
- I had blown up my world.
When I told Father Small, I cried like a baby.
How could I ever tell my mother I’d been kicked out of school and had thrown away everything she ever wanted for me?
Father Small was having none of it. He stood me up, squared up my shoulders and said, “What just transpired is not the end, but the beginning. The timing is perfect. God finally has you just where he wants you. He has your complete attention and can now mold you accordingly. Hopefully, you’ll listen and seize this opportunity.”
In an instant, grace struck. My tears dried up and I felt a new resolve. I decided I would seize the opportunity to change.
The worst day of my life turned into my best day.
Father Small then went to work on getting me reinstated at Prep and helping me restart my high school career.
The remaking of my life started on the day that one man took the time to help me begin to fix my broken compass.
On the night of my high school graduation ceremony I received an academic award. When I went to the podium it was none other than Father Joe Small who presented me the award. This time it was he who had tears in his eyes.
I was just a guy whose compass he fixed.
There are a lot young ones out there whose compasses need fixing.
If you know one, get started!
Just a thought…
Pat
Copyright © 2024 Patrick J. Moriarty. All Rights Reserved.