“Tell my friends that I’ve died.
Tell them that I’m out here in the sky, my eyes wide open.
My face covered up by this endless blue shroud.
That I’ve gone off, empty, to the stars.” ~ Federico Garcia Lorca
Several years ago a friend of mine, someone I’d known since childhood, committed suicide.
He left no note, no explanation, not a word to anyone.
He was a guy who appeared to have everything: beloved wife, secure job, faithful dog, a library of books he loved.
He was also a private person, shared little of himself, traveled alone, and was subject to mood swings. But never in my wildest imagination had I thought him capable of taking his own life.
Sadly, he was one visitor to the valley of the shadow of death who traveled alone and never returned.
The thing about the valley of the shadow of death — it’s a place we can easily stumble into, and without help, we can become frightfully lost.
As the writer George Sand observes, “We cannot tear out a single page of our life, but we can throw the whole book into the fire.”
Suicide is the most painful way to say goodbye.
On my ride home from the funeral I thought about the times I’d been in the valley of the shadow of death and what got me through — alive.
One tumble in particular stands out.
In 1991, while I was working in San Francisco, a darkness set upon me. I could find no purpose in my life and nothing that anchored me to the world around me.
I wandered down to Golden Gate Park and stared up at the bridge.
It was then I remembered a pact I’d made with a buddy of mine. Call it our “Psalm 23 Pact.”
When either one of us ever found ourselves in the valley alone we promised to call the other. Whoever got the call promised they’d come immediately and we’d walk together. This pact saved my life.
I called Joe. He dropped everything he was doing and came out to walk with me. It turned out to be a month-long trek where I learned to drink from the streams of the valley and eat the manna from Heaven.
What I learned is for some treks in the valley, the only way to survive is with someone on whose staff and rod you can rely and in whose company you can take comfort.
The Koran says, “For every soul there is a guardian watching it.”
But these connections with friends and guardians need to be cultivated, need to be nurtured, to become deep enough to withstand the ordeal of a walk through the valley of the shadow of death.
A recent report from the Office of the U.S. Surgeon General found loneliness and isolation has reached epidemic proportions, affecting:
- 36% of all Americans
- 61% of young adults
- 51% of mothers with young children
The effect on mental health is grave; addiction and suicide rates are skyrocketing.
The report carries an ominous tone of urgency. It states the antidote to this crisis lays in rebuilding our fundamental connections to other people.
Writ simple: We need to learn to become better friends. Psalm 23 friends, who stand in for the divine presence of God.
“I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.”
Just a thought…
Pat
Copyright © 2023 Patrick J. Moriarty. All Rights Reserved.
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